Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
