Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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