He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
