Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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