Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
