Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
