TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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