What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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