hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
