Your face is a jimmy john
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
