As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
