I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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