Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
