When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
