She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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