life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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