This is not my ceiling
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
