I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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