i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
