P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
