I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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