I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
