There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
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Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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