at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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