After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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