I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
