she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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