just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
