I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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