4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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