i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
