I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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