either way he was missing a nipple.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
