what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
do nipples grow back?
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