**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
