would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
