I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize