You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
