if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
