A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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