Plan B is the new Plan A
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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