my mouth tastes like poor choices
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
