that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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