so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
