He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
