Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
