Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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