Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
