NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
