Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
