stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
