Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
