All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
