Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
