problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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