Well apparently he's into motor boating.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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