Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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