So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
