i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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