god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
