thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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