Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize