TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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