There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
