I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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