Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
wakey wakey hands off snakey
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
