I think I am morally bankrupt
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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