Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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