I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
