I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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